.Where.Is.My.Mind.

So not a lot has been happening. I've pretty much been home for a few days without going anywhere. I might as well get used to it because I'm not going to be doing anything for quite a while. I've been told that I should exercise and not just lay around, but its hard because Im tired all the time and stuff. I've been thinking a lot about names for the baby, and I really want to name my sone Avery. Eric likes the name Casey, but I think Avery is a lot better. I dont know, it's the only thing ever on my mind. I guess I should start talking about other things though, because it will get old sometime. hehe...oh well, Im excited. I'm tired though, so I should probably go lay down..Ill update some other time.

.Engel.

If I could give just one thing
I would give you the world every day
I want to make your life perfect, indeed
Just promise me that you'll stay
I can't wait for you to arrive
You are my angel that I've always adored
I have yet to see your beautiful face
but I'll love you now and forever more

It's true...Things are going to be so hard on me, but it doesn't matter as long as my child has a good life. Yes, I know...Their life wont be perfect because nobody's is but I will give this baby all the love and care in the world, and sometimes that's not good enough but I am going to do anything. I've always wanted to be a mother, and I know that I'll be a good mother. I have my heart set on giving this child everything that I had, love, trust, understanding, and most of all respect..just like I've had from my mother (for a long time). I'm so excited, but I have so much to do to prepare.

.Just.A.Minor.Complication.

It's not easy being a mother already, and I'm not even a real mother yet. Yesterday Eric's family and us sat down and had a long talk about everything. To start off, which neither Eric and I like the idea of, but we're going to get put on some kind of welfare to pay rent for an apartment. So probably during the summer we're going to move out together. We wont have much furniture, but I'll have my big bed, my tv, playstation (if we get bored), my computer, and eric will have his couch and whatever else. I'm not much of a cooker, but..I can learn. I've been doing my own laundry and whatever else I'm going to need to do. I'm getting used to cleaning, and puting my baby before me. Even tonight when I was going to go to a show with Jon, I felt guilty for wanting to go so I didnt. Mornings are horrible, and I feel shitty...but I know that it's worth it and everything once I get past all of the lack of money and such..things are going to be good. Once Eric and I get a steady job, we'll pay for ourselves and get cars and such. I'm hoping to have a car, and my license by the time the baby is born so that I can drive to work and such. I'm thinking that Eric and I should probably work at the same place, only because transporation wise it would probably be easier. I could drive him to school in the morning, with the baby..and then go shopping with the baby and such...For the most part for the day I'm going to be a house'wife'..then Im going to go to school. I'm not sure who's going to watch the baby then, either daddy or one of our family members. I've concidered a daycare, but I dont want my baby with people I dont know..so Im not sure yet. It's all so hard...and all my problems before are so minor compared to this..but I'm preparing......and I will be ready for this baby when he/she comes out, and I'm going to give this baby all the love in the world and do everything that I possibly can to make everything alright. People say it's dumb for my dad to kick me out, but I think that even after I did have the baby that I wouldnt like living under someone elses roof because they have rules and such, so Im just going to get my own place. Eric and I can do it..It's going to be harder than ever but we'll do it.